Yesterday, we had our 24 week appointment, and as I drove to the appointment, I realized that it was only 1 month ago that we learned Grace's diagnosis. It feels like it's been 10 years since then. All of the emotions of that day quickly came back to my mind. I wish I could LIVE in the moment of learning that our baby was a girl--when we knew that she was PERFECT--before we knew that something was wrong. I wish I could live in that moment forever.
Last night was hard. We grieved like we haven't before. I asked WHY...why if God could let this happen to our baby girl...the baby we desperately wanted and waited for (the baby we continue wanting and waiting for)...why He can't just fix it? WHY?
Then I realized that He CAN fix it. He is the One who CAN. I don't understand why He hasn't, and I won't understand if He doesn't, but maybe I'm not supposed to understand. I'm supposed to trust. I trust Him. I will trust Him. Because He made Grace fearfully and wonderfully. Because her frame was not hidden from Him. Because He was not surprised.
From Angie Smith's "I Will Carry You": "...in this life, on this Earth, I am going to hunger. The hunger will not be satisfied. It cannot be. And when the wind blows through my soul and tempts me to despair over the lot I have been given, I cling to the truth that the Lord has something better for me. It won't always be like this. You will know Him fully one day, and all the hurts that consume you in this moment will vanish and be forgotten. I know it sounds crazy. I guess it's crazy to think that a God could love us so much that He would want to create a place to be with Him eternally, where we can revel in His perfection and rest in true peace."
Isaiah 43: 1-3 "But now, this is what the Lord says - he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.'"
My heart is full of desperate love for Grace.