Psalm 139:13-16

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Waiting Follow Up

So I've been thinking about my last post, and I've decided that the follow up post needs to be about what if God never answers our prayers in the way that we want?  What then?  What do we believe about Him then?  And really just to bookmark/archive this so that I can always remember and come back to it, I am posting here two different sermons I have listened to recently about waiting, wandering, and discerning prayer.  If you have the time, please listen!  The first one is from my personal pastor, who is amazing!  And the second is from another pastor in our area who is also amazing!

1. http://www.raymondroad.com/messages

Listen to the message from Feb 15, 2015, "What To Do When Wandering"



2. http://pinelake.org/media-resources/sermons/ministering-to-the-lord/

Here is the one from my friend's pastor.  Thank you, Beth!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Waiting

I'm sure you thought we moved to a new planet with no internet.  I'm so sorry to have skipped over the end of the year holidays and five months of time!  We had a very blessed Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years as a family of four!  We have been busy with parties, illnesses, work, school, and everyday life.

I have been wanting to write this post for probably a month now.  The truth it there's just not much to say.  I am waiting.

But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31

Not much has changed over these past five months.  Sure, we have an almost 4 year old and an almost 1 year old (ahhh!!!) and they change and grow and learn every day.  They teach me so much and are truly my greatest joy in life.  I'm so thankful God chose me to be a mother!

But I say I'm waiting because I am waiting on God to answer my prayer.  I am waiting for Him to give Grace the ability to walk!

She has made a lot of progress over the past four months.  She is balancing a lot better and has gained a lot more confidence in standing and walking with help.  But as you recall I prayed/begged/pleaded with God to allow Grace to walk by Christmas.  And that prayer wasn't answered.

And I've been wondering why.  Am I not doing my part?  Am I not praying enough?  Do I not have enough faith?  Am I trying to manipulate God?  Do Grace and I work enough?  What is it that God is trying to teach me in the waiting?

I feel Him telling me to wait and be still.  Slow down and be quiet.  He is whispering - I am here.

I pray that He gives Grace and me the strength and endurance we need in the waiting.  The positive attitude to never give up.  Why, Lord, are we waiting?

I don't know why God is moving my hand to write today, but maybe you are waiting too.  What is it that you are waiting on that God just hasn't yet answered in the way you hope?

Are you waiting on healing?  Been there.  What about moving a heart to salvation?  Are you waiting on Him to lift you out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire?  For Him to break the power of addiction?  Waiting on Him to redeem or restore?  Waiting to feel Him and His presence in the every day?  Waiting to no longer feel alone?  Waiting on a positive test?  Or a partner to join with in this life?  Waiting on Him to fulfill?

God is speaking to me and now I hope to you and saying --- you are not alone.  Child, listen, you are not alone.

He is here.  He is with you.  He will never leave you.  He is here in the waiting.

I am loving Kari Jobe's song I Am Not Alone right now.  It is my song in this season.  In deep waters and in the fire, I will not be overcome.  Lord you fight my every battle, and I will not fear!  You're my strength and my defender.  Through these trials you've always been faithful.  I'm so thankful for these promises and words of truth!

I want to use my time of waiting wisely.  I want to learn.  Oh Lord, teach me!

I have seen you in the sanctuary, Lord.  I have beheld your power and your glory.  I trust you!

I am not alone.  You are here.  Emmanuel.  Amen.



Friday, September 12, 2014

Update on Big Sister

I know it's been a long time since I posted about Grace.  We have been a busy little family!  She is doing great!  Continuing to adjust to being a big sister.  She seems to like Micah now more than ever.  She is doing awesome in school, and learning new things every day.  She is talking more, now that she is using her communication board.  She continues to sing, but is saying some words more clearly now, like her name, Jesus, scat (after a sneeze), and yay (while clapping).  She is rocking fine motor skills.  Most recently, I got her a play piggy bank, and after I showed her once or twice how to do it, she could put the coins in, open and close the door on the side to get the coins out, and press the piggy's nose to make it play music.  I was amazed!  She is closer than ever to taking independent steps.  Today in PT, her therapist held only Grace's right hip and gave her a little support and helped shift her weight and Grace stepped on her own.  I wish so bad I would've thought to video it.  Next time, I will!  Her therapist today said she wants to see her walking to trick or treat!  Friends, please join with us in praying for this big milestone!



Time is Flying!

Well somehow Micah is 6 months old!  Time flies!




I just wanted to write a post about him for his half birthday.  So much has happened over the past six months, and I don't want to forget what life is like right now.

He is happy and healthy!  He weighs 17 lb, and he is in size 3 diapers, and wears 6-9 month clothes.  I am still breastfeeding (one of my proudest accomplishments!), and we just started eating solids, which he loves!  His favorite things are momma and daddy, sissy, Maddy, eating, smiling, baths, his toes and anything else he can put in his mouth, jumping, people watching, cuddling with mommy, and sitting up!  I love our afternoon naps, his cute little forehead wrinkles, his curled fourth toes, the way he always smells like milk, and watching him grow and develop.  Truly, typical development amazes me!

I can't believe he is 6 months old!  What a blessing and joy he is in our lives!  Our family is complete with Micah James!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

I Lost It

I lost it tonight.  I hit an all time low.

I was trying to work with Grace on her walking with her cane.  I've been convicted lately about how little we get to work on walking, as well as how little I think to pray about it, so I have a new focused effort to work really hard and do my part in achieving this milestone.

Tonight, Grace was not having it.  I tried to force her for probably a good five minutes, as she fought and cried (hard).  The floor was wet with tears.  Then I lost it.  I yelled at my precious daughter.  Out of anger and frustration (toward her challenges, not her), I yelled.  At my daughter who doesn't have the ability yet to walk.  I immediately burst into tears.  I ugly cried for the first time in a long time.  After a minute of crying, I ran back to Grace and scooped her up and apologized a thousand times.  Saying "Mommy loves you," and "I'm sorry," and "I love you just the way you are."  I hated myself for yelling at my daughter who didn't deserve it.

I still hate myself for that moment of weak humanity.  The desperation I feel in my heart for Grace to achieve this milestone is overwhelming.  I want it for her (she will love it), and I want it for us (our backs will be thankful).  Why, God, why have you not given her this ability yet???

I don't understand.  Have you ever watched your child to struggle to achieve every little thing?  Every little thing that should come so easily?  Because I have.  One the one hand, like I said, the desperation is overwhelming.  I want to just do it for her.  I would give everything I have to take away her challenges.  EVERYTHING.  On the other hand, the struggle has taught us to truly celebrate every tiny victory.  Nothing goes unnoticed.

After the ordeal tonight, it was time for bath.  It hit me.  Last week, I taught Grace a new song.  I'm not sure what it's called, but the words are "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do.  My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do.  The mountains are his, the valleys are his, the stars are his handiwork too.  My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do."  Grace knew the song the next night.  :)

So tonight, we had our nightly concert, and I began to sing this song.  I got the first words out, and the tears started flowing again.  My God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY, there's NOTHING my God cannot do.

Lord, I give this to you.  Grace will not walk because of anything I do, or any amount of time or energy I spend working with her.  God, it will be because of YOU.  Please, Lord, touch her body and allow her to walk.  I want you to receive the glory for this miracle you will accomplish in her life.  I give it to you.  Take away my selfish desire.  This is in your hands.  Every victorious mountain is yours.  Help me walk through this valley with grace.  Thank you for who you are and for all you have done in Grace's life.

Please, friends, approach the Throne of Grace and ask for our Father to allow Grace to walk.  We will praise him for this miracle!

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

We are Family

Well, we have been a busy little family these days!  Oh my goodness, the past 7 weeks have FLOWN BY!  I'm not sure if it's the lack of sleep, the crazy busy schedule we have, or something else, but I blinked and my baby boy was almost 2 months old!  And I go back to work next Friday, on his 2 month birthday!  It is bittersweet to return to work...I LOVE my babies SO much that I love spending every minute with them, but I also truly love working...the challenge of work and my beloved coworkers and patients fuel this love, so I am actually excited about it.  Hope that doesn't make me a bad mom.  Actually, I think it makes me a better mom.  Chad is pretty anxious about taking care of both kids while I'm working, so say a prayer for him for energy, strength, and confidence to be able to do it!  He will have a lot of help, I'm sure!  The hardest days for him will be the Fridays that I work, which happens every four weeks.  That's the day that Grace has therapy, and he'll be juggling her and Micah Friday mornings.  Other than that, we have such amazing help in our babysitters and families that he will be just fine I'm sure.

Our life is looking maybe slightly more sane at the moment.  I am FINALLY able to pick up my big girl again after SIX MONTHS of being on lifting restrictions due to my placenta previa and then post op from my C section.  So I can FINALLY take care of both kids on my own without relying on any extra help!  This makes me SO happy.  And slightly tired and overwhelmed.  But in a good way.  :)

Micah is getting a little easier and less demanding.  I am breastfeeding him, which has been a whole new world!  I wasn't really able to breastfeed Grace due to her medical situation, so like I said, whole.new.world.  I am almost like a first time mom!  I've never had a healthy baby before.  It has brought with it learning to trust myself and trust God that I have the ability to do this.  Breastfeeding has been one of the most challenging and interesting things I've ever done.  But we are 7 weeks in, and I'm feeling accomplished!

Micah has not been the easiest baby, but we are still learning each other.  He fusses/cries/screams A LOT, but it seems to be getting better!  After about 4-5 weeks, we finally were able to put him down to sleep (before that, we took turns holding him at night because the boy would not sleep!).  He also has reflux, and Zantac has helped him a lot.  I'm so thankful for medicine!  He now sleeps in his rock and play thing swaddled all night long.  He has gone a six hour stretch of sleep once, but other than that, he sleeps pretty much for 3-5 hours at a time.  He actually has been a good sleeper in my opinion at night.  During the day, he eats about every 2-3 hours.  He sleeps here and there on his tummy in the pack and play.  I haven't found anything that he likes to hang out in for more than 10 minutes when he's awake, but I'm hoping he will tolerate that better and better during the day.  He is pretty indifferent about baths.  He doesn't love a paci, but I'm trying to teach him that a paci is his friend.  :)  He is a very noisy/grunty baby, and he has found his smile!  And I've never seen a baby fight their sleep before like him!  He also isn't a big fan of diaper changes or clothing changes.  Y'all, he has some of his big sister's feistiness!  At his check up, he weighed 9 lb 12 oz, was 21.5 in long, and his head circumference was 38.5 cm.  He did so good with his shots, too.

Big sister Grace is just trucking along these days!  She is doing great in school.  She still isn't walking with her cane very well.  Please pray with us about her walking!  It makes things so much harder with your 3 year old isn't walking and you have a newborn.  She is beginning to talk more, and she sings ALL the time!  She is generally such a happy girl and I am so thankful.  She has started working on using a different straw, which will help her oral motor skills.  Also, at school she is using a communication board very well!  Her communication board allows her to "say" eat, drink, more, and go.  :)  She continues to love Veggie Tales, Dora, the Sprout channel, her new couch, baths, her blankets, books, and Violet.  We are also enjoying getting to spend more time outside since the weather is so good right now.  She likes sliding, swinging, and riding in her cozy coupe.

I think that's about it!  Here are some a lot of recent pictures :)



















Friday, March 14, 2014

My Prince is here!



Micah James Golden is here!  He was born March 9, 2014, at 7:56 pm, weighing 7 lb, 3 oz, and 20 in long.  He is healthy, and we are home!  What an amazing blessing he is!

Here's his birth story:

We were not sharing with everyone, but we had a C section scheduled for March 10, when Micah would be 37 weeks.  All my doctors agreed that this was best for him and me, since I had placenta previa.  We were balancing me going into labor with getting him as close to term as possible.  So March 10th was the plan.  I was excited because March 10 was Grace's due date, and I knew it would be a special date!

Sunday March 9 didn't seem any different than any other day really.  I woke up with lower back pain, but didn't think anything of it, since my back often hurts.  We went to church, and had lunch with Chad's family like normal.  Here are the pictures we took Sunday after church.  I didn't know they would be the last pictures of our family of three!




Sunday afternoon, we hung out at our house with my parents.  I was eating Girl Scout cookies I've refused to share with anyone this year (I'm pregnant!), when all of the sudden I felt a gush.  ***Side note: This became a funny story...I dreaded everyone asking when I ate last, and told Chad on the way to the hospital that this could get embarrassing.  Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE asked when I ate last, what I ate, and (laughing when I said Do-si-does Girl Scout cookies) several even asked how many I ate!  Hello, I'm PREGNANT!!!  I didn't count them-ha!***  Anyway, back to the gush...I was sure it was nothing but went to the bathroom to discover I was bleeding.  I knew this was a potential and likely complication with placenta previa, but since it hadn't happened the entire pregnancy, I had started feeling safe that it wouldn't happen.  I freaked out, and Chad and I finished packing our bags quickly and rushed to the hospital, following my doctor's instructions.  We got there about 5:15 pm, they asked a bunch of questions and hooked me up to the monitor.  Micah's heart rate was perfect.  I was starting to feel some mild contractions.  The doctor there, who happened to be one of the doctors when I had Grace (was awesome to see a familiar face I knew I could trust) called my OB, and they decided to admit me to labor and delivery.  Next thing we know, my awesome OB was at the hospital, and they decided to do the C section that night!  They put in IVs, anesthesia asked me lots of questions, and Chad and I kept saying we couldn't believe this was happening!



 We quickly contacted our families and said Micah would be born in like 30 minutes, so they all rushed to the hospital.  They took me to the OR, gave me spinal anesthesia, and started.  It seemed like it took a while, and my blood pressure kept dropping and I felt nauseated several times.  Then, he was there!  Our precious baby was born, and he was perfect!  He screamed as the staff checked him out.  His Apgars were 8 and 9, and they quickly brought him to me for skin to skin time!  It was awesome, I couldn't believe my little man was laying on my chest!  They finally got finished with the C section, and I asked how much blood I lost.  Ha!  It wasn't much, thankfully.  They took me to PACU and took Micah and Chad to see our family.  They brought Micah to try to nurse, but he was too sleepy, so they took him to transition while I recovered.  And shook.  Oh, the shakes!  Finally they stopped, and they brought Micah back to me because his glucose was in the 20s.  I tried to nurse him again, but he wasn't interested, so they gave him formula to get his glucose up.  I was taken to my room after my feeling came back to my lower extremities around 9 pm.  My precious friend Anna stayed with me while Chad left to get a few extra things from home that we forgot.  I was very sick, vomiting many times throughout the night.  My nurse finally got the doctors to order a different pain medicine, so that got better with some time.  They brought Micah back to me around 1 am, and we snuggled all night!  He slept that whole first night, which was great since I was not feeling well, but I kissed him all night long.  My Prince was here!  The next day was better, and we got discharged from the hospital on Tuesday night.  Here are my favorite pictures from the hospital.























We are home and adjusting to our family of four!  Grace had a hard time the first night, but has done a great job of being big sister!  We are blessed beyond what we could hope for.  Thank you, Jesus, for the blessing of Micah!  What an amazing gift he is, as he reminds of Your love for us!