I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
I was sent this poem right after we found out Grayson has some disabilities. I read it often, and it is so true. Holland is different from Italy, but it's a place that will change your heart and there's some really great stuff that goes on there too!
ReplyDeleteAnd your tulip is beautiful...
ReplyDeleteI think I'd really rather visit Holland...each child is unique in my book. ♥♫
ReplyDeleteKaren, we use this poem some in our line of work, Early Intervention Services here at NMRC in Oxford. It really does say it all. You expect one thing, but get another.All kids are unique and precious.These experiences are valuable and they really can show you what love really is. Enjoy your precious little one, she is beautiful. I'm glad to hear you are getting some help where it's needed. I've enjoyed reading your blog and keeping up with ya. God bless ya in all that you do. Keep up the good work. Looks like mom and dad are doing the right things. Sheryl Stiles
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